Hello Folks,

We’ve retained the services of Ginger Sooty, GLOVE PUPPET OF DREAMS, to provide a daily round-up of events at the London 2012 Olympics that are, quite simply London 2012. Here is his update for Day 1 of events.

Hello everyone, Ginger Sooty here.

Still in shock over McCartney’s plasticine features!!

Well what a day yesterday – Phelps lost to Lochte (Puffing on a bong doing the Butterfly can’t have helped) whilst some DAMN FOREIGNERS didn’t understand that our BRAVE, NOBLE, PLUCKY LADS should have won the cycling gold the moment they tucked their trouser legs into their socks and set of for a pootle around Surrey.

Anyway there are a couple of sports I think you should look out for today.

1. In-Line Irony -  Although Australian, Miscellany At-Large is the red hot favourite for today’s contest, keep an eye out for Team GB!

The banks of empty corporate seats at yesterday’s events, chimes perfectly with the intention of making this  “The People’s Games” and how they will “Inspire Future Generations”.

Now that is ironic!

2. Beach Scratch n Sniff – The men’s heavyweight category may prove to be one of the highlights of the Games. The morbidly obese Italian, Giorgio  Streppto-cocci is defending his title. He is quoted as saying – “I have doubled my weight in six months, not washed my privates or changed my underwear in that time and have been doing a lot of gym work.”

When Giorgio delves into his Budgie Smugglers on Horseguard’s Parade at 3 pm this afternoon, the contents of his crutch may trigger fears of a chemical attack on London. Pack a gas mask. Just to be on the safe side.

Enjoy The Games! Sooty.

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