Posts Tagged ‘Beards’

Details have emerged recently that Our Kate may be part of the ultra secret Ginger Ninja Cobra Kingfisher Singh Viper Assassination Hit Squad (Sponsored by American Express).

A Radiant Princess

The shadowy outfit have been linked to the deaths of among others, Saddam Hussein, Colonel Gaddafi, Osama Bin Laden, Charlie Sheen’s career and are also believed to have been behind the shooting of JR Ewing and Bambi’s mum.

Is This Kate As A Ginger Ninja?

Kate, who recently collected flowers from children using both hands, has been secretly training with the secretive squad in secret in a secret place near Berlin.

As we pointed out a month or so ago, Kate has also undertaken some rather nifty genetic engineering to improve the performance of Sea Horses. We believe these animals form the infamous Sea Horse Death Viperhead Squadron. Deadly when offered a carrot or sugar lump.

The Sea Horse Death Viperhead Squadron In Action

To further confuse their targets the ninjas hum songs from the classic musical Oliver, with “Food! Glorious Food!” having a remarkable 89% hit rate.

Colonel Idris Deckchair, former commander of the black Ops outfit commented, “It wouldn’t surprise me. I once saw Kate talk to poor people at a community centre in Melbourne. She showed no fear talking to these people. If she can do that, she can do anything.” He then tried to throttle Gfb’s reporter before turning into a tea towel and making good his escape.

As the photo below shows, Kate is a master of disguise. Who would have thought!

Kill Bill?

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It was only a few months ago that Kate tied the knot with Wills. But more details of  Kate’s wonderfulnessnessness are emerging.

Our Kate

She recently invented the one prong pitch fork and as the picture below reveals, Kate has undertaken some rather nifty genetic engineering to improve the performance of Sea Horses.

Tiggy Frumpington-Bumlick, keeper of the Royal Ruler commented, “It just shows what a great gal Kate is, although Princess Anne is none too pleased.”

Kate's Redesigned Sea Horse

“Naff Orff!” Anne said to Gfb’s correspondent. But as our hardest working Royal we will let her off this time. Why only yesterday she talked to people who stood in line to meet her.

Such has been Kate’s impact on the animal kingdom that a colony of fruit bats in Mexico have become diurnal just to improve their chance of catching a glimpse of her sometime in the future.

Kate’s sister, Piggyinthe Middleton has set up a TV company, Kate Is Great Productions. Three documentaries about Kate are currently in production. “Wills I Love You Even Though You Are Prematurely Bald” and “Kate – The Heroin Years” have already in the can. The third film “Kate – How the Universe Was Created” is in pre-production.

It is this film which is causing a stir amongst egg-heads, with Kate controversially postulating her theory that the Universe was created during the development of household cleaning products in a galaxy far far away.

This Cillit Bang Theory has been labelled extraordinary by Prof Eric Tanline.

She also claims to know what lies beyond the Universe and has ingeniously labelled it “Stuff”.

Can’t wait for her to be Queenie.

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