Somebody asked to see the Shane McGowan dancing in Riverdance image again - as always happy to oblige!
Somebody asked to see the Gibbon playing a banjo image again – as always happy to oblige!
Somebody asked to see the Saturday Night Fever Disco Chicken again – as always happy to oblige!
Somebody asked to see Ali with a chicken on his head again – as always happy to oblige!
He Was Forty Years Ahead Of His Time
Somebody has asked to see the Einstein with a Col Au Vent Image again – as always happy to oblige! Somebody has asked to see Nelson Mandela with a walnut whip on his head again – as always happy to oblige! Someboday has asked to see the David Niven With A Wagon Wheel On His Head Image again – as always happy to oblige!
A Sad End To A Great Career
Somebody has asked to see the Leonardo Da Vinci wearing a yorkshire pudding on his head image again – as always happy to oblige!
The Da Vinci – A Batter Design
Somebody has asked to see the Steve McQueen Great Escape image again – as always happy to oblige !
Last week somebody asked to see Picasso smoking his fishfingers……What a strange world we live in.
During His Fish Period
Posted in Humor, Humour, Music | Tagged Humor, Humour, Funny, Show Business, Ireland, Rock Music, The Pogues, Folk Music | 6 Comments »
Good News! My piles are responding to treatment. Judging from the mail I received on the matter, nobody was interested.
It is a big day in the On The Pot household this week. Not only did we have a bidet fitted, but my son and heir Dinsdale, is getting married!
Yes, the drug taking layabout, who once stole his grandma’s teeth for a phial of crack, has found love. Felicity, his probation officer has even allowed him to go to the Church tag free to marry his long time lover Raymond.
Yes! Britain’s first gay marriage will be between my boy and his fella.
Lovely lad Raymond. Bone idle and opiate dependent. Vegetarian too. But he assures me that his current shoplifting spree is purely to pay for the wedding. Love really can turn people round.
I must admit it will be strange escorting the bride down the aisle, especially as he is six feet four and has a tattoo of Snoop Dogg on his forehead, but if that is what my boy wants to do then who am I to stand in his way? The dress isn’t his colour though.
My lovely wife Shirley has shown distinct signs of excitement about the wedding, even going as far as getting a top up mahogany veneer at the salon. She looks like Al Jolson’s lovechild, but at least she has stopped smearing the futon.
They are going on the hen night tomorrow. The locals at the Old Fallopian won’t know what’s hit ‘em! Especially when Shirl’s sister, Doreen gets going. It’s like watching a bulimic Pirhana if she get’s her hands on a young man. Poor bastard, whoever you are……
Me? I’m staying in and playing with the bidet.
You can read more of Bob’s musings whilst on the pot here and here. Your lives will be infinitely richer for doing so.
Posted in Humor, Humour | Tagged Blogs, Gay, Humor, Humour, London, Marriage, Men, Obama, Stories, Toilets | 11 Comments »
I’ve got piles.
Talk about the agony and the ecstasy.
Proper Grapes Of Wrath they are. I am taking them as a sign of faith in my new religion of Potestantism. My very own stigmata if you will.
Dear old Ma On The Pot warned me that sitting on cold surfaces would bring on the Johnny Giles. I always laughed as I I sank into the freezer to mitigate the effects of the previous night’s Vindaloo. Not exactly haute cuisine from the Bowel of Bengal. Mind you the gallon or two of premium Moluccan Lager I gulped down with me delicately spiced slop may have been a contributory factor.
I have to be very careful when my alimentary canal comes a calling. I read in my lovely wife Shirley’s copy of Cosmo, that men who suffer from piles make the best lovers. I pondered this as my stool began its long journey to the Atlantic, rather like a spawning salmon.
I asked Shirley if she agreed with this point of view. “Twat,” came her jokey reply. I rinsed off the carefully applied Throb aftershave, put the Sacha Distel Singalongalove album back in its cover and limped off to the Whimpering Stoat for a restorative pint or two. I’ll have to woo her.
Chicken and Mushroom Pie and Chips on the way home it is then……..and some curry sauce, which is going to play havoc with my piles. But what price love?
Posted in Humor, Humour | Tagged Britain, Curry, Humor, Humour, India, Men, Piles, Toilets | 14 Comments »
Recently I started courting a man who was made of cornflakes. He was recently released from prison after serving 20 years for murder. Is it ok to go out with a cereal killer?
Only if he has crunchy nuts. Danger is that due to the popularity of said nuts whilst in the prison these past 20 years he might have lost his snap crackle and pop. You might find that unless you have hands like hams, an adams apple and 5 O’clock shadow you are no longer the type to stir his porridge. Give him a good grilling – mixed if possible – to find out where you stand.
Posted in Humor, Humour | Tagged Breakfast, Britain, Comedy, Dating, Funny, Humor, Humour, Love, Sex | 18 Comments »
I am Barry Belcher. I am a Milkman. I am Psychic. I have been predicting predictions, with little accuracy for a number of years now. Previous predictions can be read here. and here
I am up with the Lark.
So, without further ado…….Milk Bottle of Mystery…….what does the future foretell?
1. November 8th 2013 - Pope Benedict will step down from the papacy to be replaced by the first African Pope.
2. May 24 2013 - Smoking sand will be made compulsory in the UK.
3. December 25 2014 - An animated remake of the Godfather about a bricklaying fish will smash box office records. The Hodcodfather is coming to a cinema near you soonish!
Now it is time for messages from “THE OTHER SIDE” -
Try the knife drawer – from Cousin Bet.
Look under the wobbly step – from Aunt Slobodan
Liang Bo in Shanghai
All men are shits! – Your mother!
Find the man with the name Alfonso on his name tag. Fortune awaits when you do!
IF YOU KNOW ANYONE WHO MAY BENEFIT FROM HEARING THESE MESSAGES PLEASE PASS THEM ON….
I am now returning the Milk Bottle of Mystery to the Crate of Destiny.
Until next time……….
Posted in Humor, Humour, Random Thoughts | Tagged Blogging, Britain, Comedy, Daily, Fortune telling, Funny, Humor, Humour, Random, Stupid | 23 Comments »