Hello,

Good News! My piles are responding to treatment. Judging from the mail I received on the matter, nobody was interested.

It is a big day in the On The Pot household this week. Not only did we have a bidet fitted, but my son and heir Dinsdale, is getting married!

Yes, the drug taking layabout, who once stole his grandma’s teeth for a phial of crack, has found love. Felicity, his probation officer has even allowed him to go to the Church tag free to marry his long time lover Raymond.

Yes! Britain’s first gay marriage will be between my boy and his fella.

Lovely lad Raymond. Bone idle and opiate dependent. Vegetarian too. But he assures me that his current shoplifting spree is purely to pay for the wedding. Love really can turn people round.

I must admit it will be strange escorting the bride down the aisle, especially as he is six feet four and has a tattoo of Snoop Dogg on his forehead, but if that is what my boy wants to do then who am I to stand in his way? The dress isn’t his colour though.

My lovely wife Shirley has shown distinct signs of excitement about the wedding, even going as far as getting a top up mahogany veneer at the salon. She looks like Al Jolson’s lovechild, but at least she has stopped smearing the futon.

They are going on the hen night tomorrow. The locals at the Old Fallopian won’t know what’s hit ‘em! Especially when Shirl’s sister, Doreen gets going. It’s like watching a bulimic Pirhana if she get’s her hands on a young man. Poor bastard, whoever you are……

Me? I’m staying in and playing with the bidet.

Laters.

Bob

You can read more of Bob’s musings whilst on the pot here and here. Your lives will be infinitely richer for doing so.