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Reblogged from Guapola:

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Britain’s top Boy Band, No Direction, have revealed to Gfb that their new single  “We Need A War – Any Kinda War!” is set for release on May Day. The B -Side is a reworking of The Supremes Classic, cleverly retitled “UKIP Hurry Love”.

The band, currently Ooooop North,throwing fresh vegetables at obese people, are confident that the song marks a new direction for their music. As David “Cotswold Crib” Cameron explained, “We gonna fuck da poor and make us all greedy yet needy, d’ya feel me? Oi Chunkster, wanna carrot? Buff the Topper please Fotheringham.”

George “Charlie Up De ‘Ooter” Osborne, said “This is gonna be bigger than TB!”

The band’s manager Simon Cowell, who has recently re-wrote the entire works of Shakespeare “as it lacked oomph,” said “I am soiled with excitement about this new single. It’s got words and everything. No, really. It’s right up there with The Birdy Song.”

He Is

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Lovely frame!

thatch_02

thatch_01

thatch_03

thatch_04

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Reblogged from gnostic bent:

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It was only last October that Vancouver teenager Amanda Todd was found dead in Coquitlam, Canada, the victim of merciless bullying who couldn't take it any more and hanged herself. She was almost 17 years old.

Almost.

The story was all over the news since a month before her suicide, Amanda posted a video to YouTube describing the abuse she'd suffered at the hands of an unknown bully.

Read more… 864 more words

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OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

Dear Aunty,

Aunty

Can a man develop feelings for curly kale? And if so do you know any country would recognise  marriage between a man and curly kale?

Farmer Barleymow, Yorkshire

Aunty Bill Replies;

Hey Farmer!

As anyone in the farming world knows the link between Kale and male goes back centuries.
Records from the 15th century show marriage ceremonies between the local Lothario and a freshly picked bunch of the local kale. Even to this day remnants of this practice can be found via a casual trawl through the phone book. Famous film director Albert R Brocoli CBE (Hon) and his family were early practitioners.
Brocoli (a strain related to the Kale family) was also nicknamed “Cubby” as his family kept their Kale relatives in a “Cubby hole” in the cellar of their farmhouse. His insistence that Goldfinger was released under the title of Brocolifinger was (thankfully) overturned shortly before its release.
Whilst no European countries recognise a union between man and Kale, you’ll be pleased to know some counties do. In particular Norfolk where an active kale community thrives to this day.

I suggest heading that way where you’ll be welcomed with open arms.  It’s a weird place Norfolk.

Kale – the gift that keeps giving.

Aunty Bill

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Reblogged from Bullying Prevention:

http://youtu.be/bokjYnPeSuA
Published on Mar 18, 2012
Together, we can make a difference and help put a stop to bullying. You're watching "Speak Up," a Stop Bullying: Speak Up special presentation on Cartoon Network's YouTube page. After the show check out the viewer Q&A session with anti-bullying expert Rosalind Wiseman http://bit.ly/wyaPEe
We are all online these days, Facebooking, Tweeting or posting videos to YouTube, and for teens, the web is a fact of life.

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Although Gingerfightback is (hopefully) somewhere you visit for entertainment and laughter, we have had a number of people get in touch who have experienced bullying because they have had the fortune to be blessed with Red Hair!

We have trawled through the web to find some practical tips, phone numbers and websites you can use for dealing with bullying.

If you are being bullied always remember – you are not alone and there is always someone willing to listen and help.

What is bullying?

Bullying can be physical, verbal or psychological. It includes behaviour such as name calling, spreading hurtful rumours, excluding someone from groups, taking possessions or money, hitting, pushing or kicking and unwanted sexual touch. Cyberbullying has the same effect as face to face bullying but takes place over the internet or through phones.

Bullying is often driven by prejudice and can be targeted at someone’s gender, culture, religion or perceived sexuality. Children and young people may also find themselves a target because of a disability, disfigurement or illness.

What can I do if I’m being bullied?

  • Firstly you need to understand that it is not your fault. Whatever the person, or people bullying you have said, this is everything to do with their negative thoughts and behaviour, and nothing to do with you. Believe that you deserve better and seek help.
  • Talk to someone. Problems rarely get better by keeping them inside. If you can, talk to an adult that you trust – like your parent or a teacher. Talk to friends that you trust. Or, if you are scared of what might happen if you tell your parent or a friend, then contact Childline (see details below).
  • Protect yourself – if you can, avoid situations where you are likely to be bullied. Never retaliate with violent actions such as hitting or punching – this can lead to you being seriously hurt or getting in trouble yourself. If the bullying is online, block or unfriend contacts that are being abusive. Make sure you have the highest privacy settings.If you are not sure how to do this then ask for help.
  • Take part in activities outside of school – or wherever the bullying is taking place, that help to raise your confidence and make you feel good about yourself. Some ideas could include Guides and Scouts, cadets, drama and dance classes, art classes, exercise classes and swimming. Remember that you deserve the very best in life.
  • If the bullying is making you feel very desperate and scared then don’t take it out on yourself – get immediate help. You can contact Childline any time, night or day for support and advice.

If you need help or advice about bullying there are helplines and websites that can provide you with information and support:

Helplines

ChildLine - ChildLine is the UK’s free, confidential helpline for children and young people. They offer advice and support, by phone and online, 24 hours a day. Whenever and wherever you need them, they’ll be there. Call 0800 1111

Cybermentors - CyberMentors is a safe social networking site providing information and support for young people affected by bullying.

EACH  - EACH has a freephone for children experiencing homophobic bullying: 0808 1000 143. It’s open Monday to Friday 10am-5.00pm

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I

Dog (no 4)

Stopped and pointed

Well, its in him to do it

Dog (no 3) mabey still has city thoughts

Although he can tell there are smells new to us here

Deer or Wild Boar

This time I didn’t get to see to tell

But resting an elbow

Better to focus binoculars

Realised this tree too was heaving in the wind

II

This earth moves

This hill below bears witness

To the glaciers

It’s stones more rounded for having travelled further

Than those sharp shattered

Frost stopped angles

Those stones of Tyrella’s Drumlins

Try burying a dog there

(Nos 1 & 2) and you’ll heave up

Such smashed stone through its thin soil.

Up on top

We walk on.

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Dear Fanny,

I’m in a spot of bother with the local Constabulary.

As you know Fanny, the present food trend is to forage for one’s own herbs. After a night taking part in a little wild garlic gathering on Hampstead Heath, I found myself on the wrong end of a policeman’s truncheon. After a bit of a kerfuffle, he summoned the help of his uniformed friend, whose helmet I managed to grab with both  hands before giving it a rather tight squeeze.

This only enraged the young officer. He handcuffed me to a tree where his chum layed into me good and proper! I was released and returned to my car which was illegally parked. I’ve since received a rather large vehicle recovery bill from the local force.

Do you have a nice recipe using wild garlic?

Benny
Fanny Replies;
Ah the joys of foraging! Believed to be invented in 1983, foraging has once again become a must for all celebrity chefs.

From  Hesgota Bloomincheek to the little fat Ginger Cooking God that is Anthony Whata Thieving Tosspot. They’re all at it! JUST BUY SOME F@CKING HERBS YOU TIGHT BASTARDS!

Anyway, your recipe Benny.

Nettle & Wild Garlic Soup.

Ingredients:

Large bunch of nettles.

Ditto wild garlic.

1 sliced leek

1 finely chopped onion

1 bottle of chardonnay.

1/2 litre of vegetable stock.

Large slug of brandy.

Cream

1 large spliff

Chill.

Make the soup…..in a pot….with all the soup stuff….

 ….eat the soup

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bobonthepot_Cosmopolitan

Hello,

I was in Starbucks in Welling the other day, enjoying my Deluxe Grande Mucho Mocha when I had a funny feeling in me innards. Naturally I retired to the smallest room to do me business, which due my high fibre diet was remarkably successful, solid and without the usual sulphurous odour. But the funny feeling in my innards remained.

Then there was a flash of light and lo! A man in a frock sporting a bad perm, wings and a harp apparitioned in front of me and said, “Alright Bob, thou art to be the next Pope. Don’t forget to flush.” POUF! the permed messenger from the heavens was gone. I looked down and my rash (or stigmata as I now call it) was shaped just like the Popemobile.

“Verily ’tis a miracle,” I told my lovely wife Shirley when she came back to our seats after enjoying a ciggie outside.

“Twat,” she replied in that loving way of hers, “You’ve about as much chance of becoming Pope as I have of dating George Clooney.”

She’s seeing George. After Bingo.

Pope Bob has a certain ring to it don’t you think?  And I already know what they will carry me around in!

Laters my children

Bobus Pottus

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