Can it really be a year since he/she entered our lives and has helped so many find peace?
Aunty Bill has helped literally people find a route to happiness for their broken hearts. She’s been quiet lately on account of the tunnel being found, but now in solitary confinement she is able to help those who need it most.
The loyal readership of Gfb!
So, as a special treat this weekend is designated ”Aunty Bill Weekend” and we will place a few of his/her classic cases here for you to enjoy.
Give Thanks For Aunty Bill!
Where It All Began
Gingerfightback cares. Really cares. We have received a number of letters from heartbroken readers for whom Cupid’s bow has gone a bit wonky. So we have decided to help and have enlisted the services of Aunty Bill. Aunty Bill is a leading expert in all affairs of the heart and is now able to receive correspondence to his/her open prison in Worcestershire. He/She maintains his/her innocence to this day and is a leading campaigner (the only campaigner actually) for dedicated transgender prisons.
We hope you may find some answers too.
Case #1 – Loveless and Doorless
I’m distraught. Last night my partner told me he had fallen in love with the back door. This morning I awoke to find my partner gone and just a draught where the back door should have been.
There was a note on the table, presumably written by the back door as my partner is illiterate. The note said, “One day you will find closure.”
Not only am I heartbroken I am also freezing. How do I win them back?
Aunty Bill Replies,
So sorry to hear of your woes. You don’t state in your letter whether the door was UPVC or standard wooden half Georgian wired glass. Experience dictates that men who run off with doors seldom return. What you’ve got to do is ensure it never happens again.
At this troubled time you probably wonder why I am asking what type of door it was, but in the days ahead, when a window of clarity appears you will have to think about a replacement door and depending on the type that ran off with your (ex) partner this will dictate what type of frame, lock and extra security you require.
I always recommend a standard 5 lever bolt lock (ISO234567) is fitted where the door is UPVC, although for a wooden door an Ingeroll Chubb and separate mortice should suffice. Be sure to allow for the stress factor on wooden doors and if in doubt fix an extra hinge to allow for any slippage.
At this point I could make a cheap jibe about knockers. But I won’t.