Shirley’s nut cutlets from last night were causing some discomfort. I was in the vicinity of the Old Dear’s and so decided to pay her a visit and to use the facilities.
I was checking the football results when I noticed something on my body for the first time. My rash is well known to me, as are a set of moles which in a certain light resemble Chairman Mao (The moles were integral to how I first managed to chat Shirley up believe it or not).
No, what I noticed was a reddened imprint on my waist caused by my underpants and jeans, whilst my new socks had created a red ring around my calves. The socks were a Christmas present from my Sister. Plenty of snap still in the elastic. quality socks they are.
I think Shirley’s high fibre diet has a few months to run though.
For a moment I felt like a tattooed Polynesian warrior and hummed the theme tune to Hawaii Five-0 to myself.
That all stopped when I read that United had lost.