Hello Reader!
After a summer break in Calipornia, Gfb’s Beauty Therapist and Advisor, Oily George is back to provide you with advice on issues of personal hygiene, appearance, making dirty films and romance. His Oil Highness is here to help.
Summer Bonkbuster!
Dear Oily,
I have long admired your erotic masterpieces and am considering making a big budget version of your 80′s classic “Tug My Love Muscle II” – That funny looking lad who plays vampires a lot and that skinny girl from Harry Potter’s Thingymajig are both up for the lead roles. She is in the gym undergoing a wrist strengthening programme.
I just wanted to know what Best Boy you used in the film and what was your Key Grip?
Marty says hi too!
Steven Spielberg, Hull
Oily Replies;
Stevey Baby!
Did the ointment work?
Key Grip is easy – always use the overarm under shuffle five knuckle twister. But never, I repeat never, use the ballsack as a prop.
Remember when Bobby did that in Mean Streets? I haven’t laughed so much since Marlon got his nuts caught in the mangle. OUCH!
Best Boy? Being an equal opportunities employer, I always employ two girls to be my Best Boy. Twins. Swedish. Blonde. 18. I’ll pass on their number. It works for me.
Intermittently.
It’s an age thing.
Much love to Marty.
Tell him I have the photos under lock and key, nothing for him to worry about.
Oily
Please tell me this inspires Spielberg to finally make “E.T. The XXX-tra terrestrial.”
I’d hope so
I can only imagine the effects he would apply to the money shot.
Red.
Imagine Away Red!
I’m glad Whats-her-name is doing the wrist strengthening. She’s going to need it.
I’ve seen the script – boy oh boy! Popeye would struggle
That grip sounds challenging. Good to have oily back.
I tried it yesterday Kate – tricky.
Why isn’t Oily G on internet dating sites! I yearn to meet a man of his parts!
No you wouldn’t!
I hope Oily decides to go mainstream. One can only imagine the brilliance of his take on The Queen.