Ginger Sooty, GLOVE PUPPET OF DREAMS provides a daily round-up of events at the London 2012 Olympics that are, quite simply London 2012.
Well Folks - What A Day!
Ginger Greg leapt to glory in the sandpit of memories.
Michael Phelps hung up his verucca socks. We wish him and his bong a very happy and long retirement together.
South Korea beat North Korea in Table Tennis. The South Koreans deny that having a potato around their lad’s neck was a deliberate ploy to distract the half-starved Stalinist. Miffed, North Korea tested their new missile in a display of bellicosity. The paper plane flew a giddy six feet. Be Warned Imperialist Lackey Dogs!
I was at the Weightlifting yesterday. Amazing to watch such feats of strength. Doesn’t lend itself to radio though, weightlifting. “He stares at the bar. He grips. He strains. He grunts. He lift’s. He’s shat himself!”.
A couple of sports to look out for.
1. Synchronised Deep Fried Food Trampoline - Marvel at Frenchman, Serge Hohehon’s ability to conjure a triple back somersault with tuck from his spring roll, whilst his bouncing samosa simultaneously performs a double piked somersault with twist. Remarkable stuff.,
His main challenger will be Colombia’s Pablo Drug-Cartel and his Deep Fried Feta’s bravado routine .
2. Pluckery
Imagine yourself blindfolded and nailed to a spinning wheel. For twenty four hours you are spun and forced to listen to Huey Lewis and The News after which you watch the back catalogue of Steven Seagal’s films. Twice.
You then have all your body hair removed by sandpaper and castigated by the cast of Hair, whereupon a man called Ernie will bore you senseless about his feet and his love of tuna fish sandwiches.
This is lap 1 of the Olympic Pluckery contest. There are a further seventeen laps which contain even more cruel and unusual tests of endurance, capacity for boredom and innate dullness.
If you think you may have what it takes to be a future Pluckery champion, stay away from me you nutter!
Belgium’s Beatrice Molde is favourite for Gold.
Enjoy The Games!
Sooty
That pluckery. That’s a man’s sport, that is.
Please tell me they don’t have women’s pluckery.
Only men at the moment Kate – the International Pluckery Association is debating a women’s event. In the interest of equality I think they shouid include it in next year’s pluckfest.
I started off actually liking the sound of pluckery, but the more I read about it the more I went off the idea. I’m not really Olympian material anyway, so I’d say that was a good thing!
You don’t know until you’ve tried it!
I’m going to write to the IPA about this gender inequality.
I need to see women’s pluckery as an Olympic event before I die.
Don’t worry – the women’s event will feature in 2016 in Rio where Bette Midler’s career will feature heavily.
Plucky … tough event … and seemingly one not meant for the telly. I heard Mo Farah is actually a ginger. Meanwhile, I’m currently admiring beach volleyball player Jan Kessy.
I hope he is – will turn him into one!
He must be bold because he’s not ginger.
please – anything but volleyball – it’s on alllllll the time – I’m ready to jump out there and kick sand in all their faces.
Agreed!
Huey Lewis and The News? Pffff, child’s play.
What about looping “Achy Breaky Heart”?
Too cruel!