British PM David Cameron has played a dastardly final card in his bid to cling to power.
BANNING GINGERS FROM PUBLIC VIEW!
As he trails pointless oaf Ed Miliband in the polls, the posh boy “Who cares deeply” has decided to make Gingers a key plank of his 2015 election campaign.
In his speech today to the Idiocracy that is the Conservative Party, Cameron will say, “Look here Chaps, we’ve fucked over the poor, propped up the Bankers, divided old from young, gay from straight, black from white and STILL people don’t like us! Even giving pooftahs the right to marry hasn’t helped. I can only reach one conclusion. Gingers are to blame!”
To gasps from his dribbling, incontinent audience he blurted, “Banning Gingers from public life and stopping them using the internet to spread their gingery thingymajigs is all that is left to me. Polish my brogues please Fotheringham. Where is my fag?”
Last year, Gfb’s correspondent Gail Force-Winds revealed Tory plans to impose Burkhas on Gingers were shelved due to the fact that it was stupid. However, with the lads firing up in Iraq again and a need to appear to have some semblance of control domestically and internationally, the Ginger Question has been brought back.
Cameron’s comments put him at odds with President Barack Obama who, in a speech in Grimsby this month said, ‘We. Are not. Going. To tell. People what colour. Their hair. Should. Be.’
He Is A Red!
Ed Miliband’s reply was, “I have forgotten what I was going to say. Blah blah blah.”
Posted in Funny, Humor, Humour, News, Politics | Tagged Burkhas, David Cameron, Democracy, Ed Miliband, Funny, Ginger Hair, Hair Care, Humor, Humour, Iraq, Islam, Islamic State, News, Obama, People, Politics, President Obama, RAF, Religion, Satire, The Conservative Party, The Labour Party, UK Politics, USA | 5 Comments »
Here To Help – Here To Care
Help Aunty Bill!
I am in love with my neighbour’s goldfish pond. It is on two levels and has a nice water feature in the centre (a fountain of Elvis doing the splits). I asked my neighbour if I could take the pond out for a fish supper. He slammed the door in my face and last night firebombed my shed.
How can I get him to see that I really love his pond?
Aunty Bill Replies;
Just when you think everything’s been covered, up you pop!
Water Feature love isn’t as unusual as you might think. A cousin of mine once had a torrid affair with a friend’s garden sprinkler. Only at night though. There was a hose pipe ban at the time,
I’m not surprised you’ve fallen for your neighbour’s water feature.
Demonstrate your love for this pond by embarking on an extensive cleaning, fish feeding and water filtration procedures. A few weeks of intensive pond maintenance should show that your intentions are honourable.
If this fails, then seek revenge for your shed. You will need the following :
A 12″ gauge shot gun
1 gallon of petrol
1 bucket of bleach
I leave the rest to you – you know what you have to do.
Posted in Funny, Humor, Humour | Tagged Cookery, Ebgland, Elvis, Elvis Presley, Family Life, God, goldfish pond, Hosepipes, Humor, Life, Love, Relationships, Satire, Scotland, Sex, UK, USA, Water Features, Writing | 6 Comments »
There is a squeak on my wardrobe door. Every time I open the door my pet Budgie goes into a catatonic state.
I’ve tried a wide range of ungents, moisturisers and gels all to no avail.
Will you pop in and see me to use your abundant reservoirs of natural emulsifiers to quieten the darn door and give my Budgie the peace she craves and deserves?
I will slip by anytime to check on your wardrobe door.
I have a vast array of elixirs and pungent purifying potions which will need to be applied on the hinges of your wardrobe doors, and locks. And your buttocks. That should do the trick. Whilst there maybe I can tell you about the new company I am setting up, Long and Hard Productions.
Looking for a new PA and I feel you will fit the bill perfectly.
Posted in Funny, History, Humor, Humour | Tagged Black Humour, Budgies, Humor, Humour, Oil, Porn. Porno, Pornography, Sex, Squeaks, UK, USA, Wardrobes | 18 Comments »
The Sea’s waves
Heavy with the Moon’s oily light
Moon glow seaside Bundoran
Caked in winter’s corona of cloudy night
The town glows too
From above seen
The waves take on the pores
Of skin swept sea
All held firm this
Posted in Art, Canada, Poetry, Spain | Tagged "Poetry",, Humanity, Loss, Love, Nature, night, Northern Ireland, Poems, Stories, the ocean, The Sea, Winter, Writing | 5 Comments »
Oily George’s latest erotic masterpiece has been described by crticis as a clear satire on the youth obsessed Western culture. “Hand Shandy III” will be available soon on DVD in wankvision.
You are great and so sexy – how do you do it?
Shiney Sheena, Wisconsin
Kind of you to say so and thank you for the photo. Usually I have to ask/badger/beg my ladies to send their portraits but looking at you, my you are enthusiastic. And ambidextereous. A fact I am logging in the darkest recesses of my febrile mind.
How do I maintain my sexiness? Well as you can see from my profile, I model myself on close personal friend and fellow Oil Spill, George Hamilton.
The dear chap has taught me so much about how to slither through life. He was the inspiration that got me into the How-Do-They-Do-That market that I cater for. I doff my fedora to the slippery one
Posted in Funny, Humor, Humour, Random Thoughts, Satire | Tagged Acne, Australia, Beauty Regime, Boots No. 7, Canada, Funny, Humor, Humour, Pervertion, Porn, Random, Satire, Sex, sexy, Shiney, Skincare, UK, USA, Wordpress | 11 Comments »