One is the greatest wordsmith ever to embellish the English language. The other is William Shakespeare.
Not only do they both come from Canada but their brilliance is based upon sporting sausages upon their bonces.
Blimey! Who’d have thought -
“Alas poor Baby, Baby, Baby, Baby, Ooooooooohhhhhh Baby etc etc…….”
Posted in Art, Funny, Humor, Humour, Music, Pop Music, Satire, UK | Tagged Canada, Funny, Humor, Humour, Justin Bieber, Literature, Music, Pop Music, Random, Satire, Sausages, Shakespeare, Stupid, UK, USA, William Shakespeare. | 6 Comments »
Imagine you are a Roman Legionnaire fighting the Barbarian hordes (Gauls, Picts, Vandals or Visigoth – take your pick).
Imagine the Legionnaire to your right, let’s call him Sextus Quintus Marinadus, is felled by a Barbarian’s mighty twin headed axe.
“What vegetable should replace Sextus Quintus Marinadus in the shield wall?
GFB has the answer! Our opinion poll (below) shows what vegetable people would want alongside them in battle. As to be expected root and tubas triumph over brassicas and squashes.
“Dic Nihil Tandem Est” as old Sextus Quintus Marinadus may have said.
We asked Professor of Cobblerology at the University of Erewash, Professor Aubrey Lunge for his thoughts on the shock findings, ” I could have sworn more people would have said runner beans. Where’s the bar?”
Posted in Funny, History, Humor, Humour, Stories, UK | Tagged Ancient Rome, Barbarian hordes, Barbarians, Canada, Easter, England, Fighting, Goths, Humor, Humour, India, Italy, Potatos, Satire, Sextus Quintus Marinadus, Surveys, The Ancient World, USA, Vegetables, War | 28 Comments »
Which came first?
Posted in Animals, Food, Humor, Humour, UK | Tagged Canada, Chickens, Cute, Easter, Eggs, Ginger Hair, Holidays, Humor, Humour, Images, India, Red Hair, UK, USA | 27 Comments »
Several days ago I discovered that my man was cheating on me with a foot pump. Ever since I have felt very deflated.
Is there anything I can do?
Men are creatures of habit and it may well be that you haven’t been paying him full attention, hence his preoccupation with matters of the motoring kind.
If he’s feeling under pressure at work or home he needs a release valve and seems to have found it in the boot of his car. Tread carefully but you need to get to the hub of the problem before it escalates. Perhaps he’s tired of the domestic routine although it’s too early to gauge.
Without wishing to put a spanner in the works I suggest that if you spoke to him about your concerns he may well realise the error of his ways and realise he has been acting a bit nuts. With a little effort you may be able to repair this relationship without puncturing his hopes for the future.
Just be thankful it’s a foot pump and not one of the flash ones down the local petrol station. Although you have to pay to use them, the hoses are so much longer and once it gets going the vibration is something else!
Posted in Beauty Tips, Funny, Humor, Humour, Scotland, TV, UK | Tagged Adult Life, Black Humour, Broken Hearts, Cars, Funny, Humor, Humour, Men and Women, Motoring, Puns, Relationship Advice, Relationships, Satire | 20 Comments »
“All the world’s a fence.”
Like doubts, we all have them or know someone who has them. Fences that is.
What does your Fence say about you? Rotten? Gateless? No Footings?
Who knows? Who cares!
This month legendary singer of screechy songs Beyoncé and her lovely hubby Jay Z, show us their brand new colonial fence! Both are keen horticulturists and this snaps shows the couple debating where to plant the marrows this year (We think Beyoncé will get her way!)
Is there a famous person’s fence you would like to see? Let us know and be entered into our prize draw!
Posted in Funny, Humor, Humour, Music, Pop Music | Tagged Beyonce, Black Humor, Blogs, Fences, Funny, Humor, Humour, Jay Z, Music, Pop Music, Random, Rap, RnB, Satire, Show Biz, Show Business, Texas, UK, USA | 26 Comments »
My name is Terry Cotter. I’m a potter.
I have been potterising for nearly two decades now. I stock a wide range of ceramic goods in my shop The Potter’s Reel, down here in Lower Swell. The shop is named after my potter’s wheel which goes round and round. Like a reel.
Here are some reviews from the world they call “Art”.
Venus De Milo - It is armless enough.
The King and I - The slap head from The Magnificent 7 tries to get hold of Deborah Kerr after learning the lingo. Goes on a bit.
Nirvana – Nevermind -I was into Grudge in my teens - Mum told me off for not tucking my shirt in. Then New Kids On The Block came into my life….. Goes on a bit.
Graham Greene – Our Man In Havana - The importance of vacuum cleaners as a nuclear deterrent.
Romeo and Juliet – He loves her and she loves him. The families don’t get on. The vicar is a drug dealer. They die. Doth goeth oneth for a biteth.
A protest will take place outside the village hall tomorrow during the lactose intolerance group session. Intolerance cannot be tolerated in any form.
Til The Next Time
Keep That Wheel Turning!
Posted in Art, Funny, Humor, Humour, Movies, Music, Pop Music, Satire, Show Business | Tagged Bald Heads, Blogs, Cinema, Graham Greene, Humor, Humour, Literature, Movies, Nirvana, Novels, Pottery, Romeo and Juliet, Satire, Sculpture, Shakespeare, Stupid, The King and I, Theatre, UK, USA, Writing, Yul Brynner | 17 Comments »
Gfb has received a letter outlining the Government’s crackdown on the crackdown on the Welfare State.
The letter entitled, “Have A Bang On This!” was written by the Secretary of State for Work and Fuckery, Iain Drunken-Spliff on parchment comprising 32 King Size Rizlas.
It reveals a harsh future regime of benefits conditionality, as well as plans to extradite convicted benefit cheats to “Jockland” in what Duncan-Spliff calls a ‘crackdown on the crackdown on shirkers, shysters and roach bandits. If the Jocks vote for independence they can have our dossers and we will let them keep the pound.”
“I’m not fucking having it anymore,” states Duncan-Spliff, “These northern layabouts, disableds and lone parents are a real drain on our resources. And they won’t vote cos the fuckers can’t read or write. Gove has played a blinder on that one!”
“Look after the pennies…..”
The letter continues;
“By victimising the poorest we are onto something! The blame the Muslims campaign is gathering momentum nicely too……. Has Osborne pinched my bong?”
Drunken-Spliff’s proposals include;
• Making all new Jobseekers undertake 2 weeks mandatory Lollipop Man/Woman duty. Failure to comply will lead to the claimant’s house being set on fire. With the claimant inside.
• Inviting disabled people for weekly check ups. Physical and Medical examinations will be held in public with three X-factor style judges scoring them. It will be a mixture of Britain’s Got Talent and The Cube. “The public will love it,” Drunken-Spliff notes, “A benefits system based on Reality TV!”
• Moving the default pension age to 80. “We’ll save billions!”
• Ex-offenders, drug addicts and feckless youngsters will be chained together and set to work on HS2. “Those train tunnels won’t dig them fucking selves.”
“I simply say…….”
Posted in Funny, Humor, Humour, News, Politics, Satire, Scotland, UK | Tagged Adult Humor, Benefits, Black Humor, Britain's Got talent, Conservatives, Disability Rights, DWP, England, HS2, Humor, Ian Duncan Smith, Labour Party, May Elections, Michael Gove, News, Pension Age, Politics, Reality TV, Satire, Scotland, Scottish Referendum, The Cube, Welfare, welfare state | 21 Comments »
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