Still Giving Lurve One Year On
Please help me Oily George!
At first I thought cellulite was the lost tribe of Israel. Then my friend Amanda thought it was a low fat spread. She is kinda right as it has spread all over my thighs. I’ve tried lard, monkey innards and even laid a Barbara Taylor Bradford novel over the affected area – alas to no avail.
What can you suggest?
Sue, Melton Mowbray
What you mean they aren’t a lost tribe of Israel?
In my line of business – ‘grown ups art’, cellulite is indeed a concern as I know that my discerning fans, as they sit peering at the screen, tissue in hand, do not wish to observe what looks like discarded orange peels wriggling in ecstasy. Puts some people off their, eh, stroke, if you will. There is a surgery close to my home here in Silicon Valley which deals with this problem. I’ll send you the contact details. Meantime Sue perhaps you could send me a picture of your breasts lathered in baby oil? It’ll give the surgeons a better idea of which procedure best suits.
Posted in Art, Beauty Tips, DIY, Funny, Humor, Humour, Parenting, Random Thoughts, Satire, Scotland, UK | Tagged Ageing, Anti Ageing Solutions, Barbara Taylor Bradford, Beauty Tips, Canada, Cellulite, England, Fashion, Humor, Humour, Lust, Satire, Sex, USA, Women's Health | 8 Comments »
Gingerfightback gained access to the Royal Stud yesterday to nab this picture of the racehorse owned by The Queen who has failed a drugs test (the horse that is not Her Majesty – although she is partial to Charles’ organic Duchy Originals Ganja).
The photo clearly shows the horse named Have A Bang On This Little Number, abusing drugs in a most unseemly manner.
Pink Floyd Really Speaks To Him
The Queen was unavailable for comment as she was in Scotland to open the Commonwealth Games. To celebrate this great day for the land of the long sweaty sock, Liz festooned her bonnet with Scotch Eggs!
One Has The Munchies
Posted in Art, Beauty Tips, Canada, Food, Funny, Humor, Humour, News, Satire, Scotland, Show Business, UK | Tagged Cannabis, Commonwealth Games, Drug Abuse, England, Estimate fails drug test, glasgow 2014, Horse Racing, Horses, Humor, Humour, Jaffa Cakes, Satire, Scotch Eggs, Scotland, The Queen | 15 Comments »
Leader of the Opposition, Ed Miliband has told Gingerfightback’s Political Editor Marsupial Fanning that his recent meeting with President Obama was both “Constructive and nutritious.”
The buck toothed laddio went onto say, “The President and I share views on Syria, ISIS, Russia, Gaza, and the right amount of melted cheese in a burger. He now knows that fries are called chips in England. I must say his chewing was impeccable. It has come on leaps and bounds.”
When asked for his views on the meeting the President replied, “Who? Never met the fella.”
Ed has been likened to Wallace from Wallace and Gromit - well, he is a bit stop go after all.
Posted in Canada, Food, Funny, Humor, Humour, News, Politics, Satire, Scotland, UK | Tagged Britain, Burgers, Chips, Ed Miliband, England, English Politics, Fried, Funny, Humor, Humour, India, Labour, News, Obama, Polticis, President Obama, Satire, The Labour Party, USA, Wallace and Gromit | 9 Comments »
We may be a bit late but Happy Birthday to our future King! On bended knee we salute thee……
Nice to see the goatee coming on and the hillbilly look beginning to take shape…..
Baby Prince George, is of course the fruit of sexual intercourse between our Kate and Wills,
The Bearded Prince
Miranda Soup-Slurper, Royal Correspondent for It’s Bollox magazine said, “I still can’t believe that Kate has had sexual intercourse, such is her fragrant fragrance. Also royal babies come from a place much more shiny and lovely than the Earth. My guess is a planet made of cuddles and souvenir tea towels.”
Phillip Utopian-Fallopian, keeper of the Royal Sock, told GFB, “Ms Soup-Slurper is wrong. Prince George came from Waitrose along with a free cup of coffee.”
Posted in Canada, Funny, Humor, Humour, News, Politics, Satire, Scotland, UK | Tagged Beards, Birthdays, Bread and Circuses, Britain, Comedy, England, Funny, Ginger Beards, Humor, Humour, Kate, Kate and Wills, Prince George, Prince William, Satire, The British Royal Family, The Royal Family, The UK, USA, Waitrose | 29 Comments »
2014 Open Golf Champion, Rory McIlroy acknowledged the role the Scotch Egg played in delivering his latest triumph in the world of hitting little balls with a stick.
Rory throws his Scotch Egg into the crowd in celebration
“Playing with Scotch Eggs allows me to have more control over my short game and when I am feeling peckish I can nibble on these tasty savoury snacks,” he may have said.
Man and Scotch Egg in perfect harmony
Young Rory, who hails from Holywood, Northern Ireland went on to say, “Me darlin’ Mammy identified a deficiency in my hip stance and got me playing with Scotch Eggs to improve things. Like it is, so it is. Like.”
But Mammy McIlroy didn’t stop there, “She would make a variety of Scotch Eggs for me to play with. Big ones, little ones, ones with indentations at the top, pimpled ones and even one that was square! As you can imagine that didn’t roll very well!”
Young Rory & the Scotch Egg of destiny
Gingerfightback’s science correspondent, Damien Semi-Jap-Stranglehold spoke to Ursula Ooh-La-La, Professor of advanced Scotch Eggery at the University of Toulouse who told him, “Mais Oui mon cherie, Je t’adore le Piat D’or - make lurve a moi by the opagne firrreside a hoh – he – hoh.”
It is not the first time that Golfers have turned to meat base products. Jack Nicklaus won the 1978 US Open playing with a pork pie boiled in vinegar.
A man and a pie and a sand shot to glory
Posted in Food, Funny, ginger, humor, nonsense, Humor, Humour, News, Random Thoughts, Satire, UK | Tagged 2014 Open, Belfast, Canada, Comedy, Funny, Golf, Heartache, Holywood, Humor, Humour, Jack Nicklaus, Love, Nike, Northern Ireland, Pork Pies, Rory McIlroy, Satire, Scotch Egg, Scotch Eggs, Sports, Tiger Woods, UK, USA, Winning in Life | 26 Comments »
Gingerfightback’s film critic Mark Commode, has discovered that the central character in the Rise of the Planet of the Apes – Caesar – was originally going to be Ginger as the film’s producers believed it would make the whole thing more realistic.
Ginger and ever so angry
The next instalment, provisionally titled, “Early Morning On The Planet Of The Apes – Kippers for Breakfast” will feature a spectacular bicycle chase modelled on the attached outtake from, “Late Afternoon On The Planet Of The Apes – Not So Warm When The Sun Goes In Is It?”
Posted in Africa, Animals, Art, Funny, Humor, Humour, Movies, Satire, UK | Tagged Africa, Andy Serkis, Caeser, Chimpanzees, Cinema, Dawn of the planet of the apes, Films, Ginger, Humor, Humour, India, Indonesia, Insurance policy, Movies, Nature, PG Tips, Planet of the apes, Red Hair, Rise of the Planet of the Apes, Satire, Summer Films, Tea | 10 Comments »
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